Dragon Age Profiler: Jasper the badass Elf

I don't think I've talked about my character much.

Most people who know me understand my love of elves and their often misunderstood lives in the forest. Generally elves are moody and really sneaky, things I'd like to believe I'm good at in real life. 

After my long stint in Skyrim as being the sneakiest bitch around who killed any bad monster thing with one hit of my fancy elvish arrow I thought I'd keep things semi consistent. 

Most of my D&D characters have all been rogues because I like to be able to steal things and live on the edge so given that I am not good with surprises, Jasper the Elf Rogue Archer was born. 

She's been through some things: with a scar on her face and white hair, also being through some crazy hole in the world and now having some green electric shit coming out of her hand and tattooed face, you know she's going to dominate Thedas. 

All in all, she could easily fuck shit up....and is pretty serious about it.

Rifts in the drywall

Today I am on double duty. I think my real life handy person skills have leveled up. Between painting trim and filling holes big and small I'm also shooting arrows at crazy rebels and closing rifts with some green lightning from my hand. 

In real life I am seriously awesome. I actually feel like I'm attacking this house painting hole fixing scenario like a really badass craftsman whose weapon of choice happens to be a drywall knife and edging brush. Bard/crafty crafter?

Here is the hole before:

Much like all of the rifts I've encountered in the Hinterlands, there is a lot of mess to clean up. Also a lot of repetitiveness. In between drywalling coats (disrupting the rift) I decided to pick up the bow and deliver some flowers. Also medicine. Also some bad news that lovers have died. I'm not all sunshine and lollipops you know. 

Oh now back to fighting off rift monsters (sanding the drywall hole I filled) 

And back to our regularly scheduled programming of inquisition influence spreading. 

I'm doing a really good job of spreading the word of the inquisition. I feel like maybe Josephine has all the connections and whatnot but I'm pretty diplomatic myself. I haven't really tried to rustle anyone's feathers yet or be completely outrageous but I'll get there don't worry. 

Because it's Christmas vacation and both that guy I live with and I have time off we've been fighting over who gets to play. He is playing a much different dragonage than me. I did a lot of catching up that just needed to be done before carrying on with the good bits. 

Closing the rifts on the outskirts and being "chosen" is really like real life. I'm chosen to do house renovations because I'm an elf rogue archer crafter handy person and that guy I date doesn't like to get dirty in real life. 

So here I am, closing real life rifts and making things look like they bately ever happened. You're welcome. 

Inquisition: The Intro

I have been away for a looooooooong time. I tried playing Dragon Age Origins on XBox and then we sold the XBox. So.....

A few things I was expecting about the intro to Inquisition:

• me waking up in some weird place
• me being captured of some sort like in ALL the games I've ever played
• me looking BADASS (as usual)
• some sexual tension

did Inquisition deliver? YOU BETTA BELIEB IT DUDE. ALL of those things happened.

There was darkness. There was me deciding I wanted to look like a white haired rogue archer elf with sweet face tattoos (sigh, I wish I didn't have to be professional in real life).  Some lady cried for help. I was mistaken for a bad guy. I was handcuffed. Some ridiculously short hairy chested man with a crossbow made some sexual jokes to the lady who handcuffed me. In hindsight, I guess he's a dwarf. His name is Varric. 

This is me and my peeps of the inquisition. 

REGARDLESS, it's clear I'm on a mission now that the Holy Chantry is all messed up and there are no more religious leaders around until they appoint a new one.  Let me tell you, I already want to punch one of the Chancellor's in the face. Like I might actually get up off the couch and punch the TV (wait.........who am I kidding, I'm not going to get up off the couch....).

Does this not look like a dude you'd feel fully satisfied punching in the face?

I fully don't understand the fighting mechanisms in this game. You can be ALL the people in your group of people who follow you, so what they're telling me is that I have to worry about not only MY own upgrades and levelling and making decisions based on me being awesome and fucking shit up, but I have to make them for ALL of my party members too?  This is sounding like a lot of work.

Also, when we're in a fight, I can SLOW MOTION that shit down and FREEZE TIME BECAUSE I"M A WIZARD, HARRY! (wait, no...I'm an Elf Rogue Archer.....so how does that make sense?). So I'm an Elf Rogue Archer Wizard who can freeze time and my soul jumps from party member to party member telling them exactly where I want them to go and who I want them to shoot and then I can press the R2 pad and make them slowly progress and do the things I asked them to do IN SLOW MOTION BABY.

I know you're dying to know how I've managed in combat so far: the answer is pretty well. Although I might have put the hairy chested doesn't wear armour because he's too good looking dwarf in some trees somewhere by accident so all his crossbowing didn't really do anything, and I might have used my bow while standing right in front of most of the ghouls I was fighting and then wondered what the blue stuff was floating around me until I remembered that there was an actual WIZARD in my group who can heal you....as long as they're far away.....and not getting shot at.....like when you slow motion put them right in the heart of combat.

I think I get it now.

I'm baaaaaaaaaaack....

Hey, did you forget about me?  You know, that hilarious girl who filled your computer screens with funny anecdotes about me playing a totally fictional fantasy role playing game that had nothing to do with real life?

Oh, of course you didn't.  You've been flooding me with e-mails and messages saying "HEY, you should replay skyrim and write about it again" or "Have you been playing ESO?" or "you're an idiot for a) playing video games and b) writing about it" (that last one is a shout out to my girl LT, who I'd never be allowed to date because she has a strict rule about dating people who have played D&D).

Regardless, as excited as I thought I would be to start playing ESO, I got bored.  Fast.  I was part of the BETA testing a few times and there were a lot of bugs.  I never really got into it. I wasn't into the storyline. I felt like I was doing ALL the things I was doing in skyrim...and that was lame.

SPEAKING OF, I actually have the DLC for skyrim that I've been meaning to finish but I have a life now. Sort of. More on that later.....because today.....I went out and bought one of the most anticipated games of the year (for people who like that sort of thing)...

AWE YIS!

So stay tuned.....I have wednesdays off and guess what I'll be doing?