Skyrim's Thieves Guild - My Kinda People

It's no surprise that my last post about the Erotica I found in Haelga's room (and in newer news, on the shelf in one of the breweries too) is the most read post on my blog.  Who doesn't like sexy times?  I was visiting my Aunt and Uncle over the weekend and he was telling me how nerdy I am for posting about sex in my blog while he's got his headphones on and is swearing at some 16 year olds while he's playing WoW.  As he taught my 3 year old cousin to say - "Cool Story Bro."

I have definitely been logging more playing hours than WRITING hours...which is probably not good for business BUT THIS GAME IS SO EXCITING!!!!

Interestingly, the second most viewed post is the one where I talk about FOOD.  So I will do that again and then tell you how I proceeded to burn some bee hives.

FEAST YOUR EYES ON THIS BEAUTY OF A BREAKFAST

That, my friends, is roasted bell pepper (of the red variety) with an EGG in the middle of it.  Complete with some Kicking Horse Coffee (Kick Ass) and a little salt, pepper, and chilli powder.  GENIUS.

That prepared me for a THIEVES GUILD quest.  This quest line is becoming one of my favorites (aside from the COMPANIONS one and I found out something EXCITING there but I don't want to ruin it because it was just so cool!).  Have I even told you about the thieves guild?!?!?!  They are a group of dudes and dudettes who are into pickpocketing and stealing and cunning and run Riften under the noses of the Jarl.  What a group!  I love 'em.  I first had to show that I'm worth their time by telling a bunch of punks to pay up.  I had to throw a statue around and break some urn and basically just be badass and finally Brynjolf was all like "great work, the thieves guild is BACK IN ACTION"

But what do you mean BACK in action?  As it turns out the thieves guild's biggest client is Maven Blackbriar, the lady in charge of the Blackbriar Meadery and things are happening that are slowly shutting her down.  We don't know what exactly...but one thing is for sure:  The dude who owns Goldenglow Estate has SOLD his property which means they are NOT going to be supplying the necessary shit for making the MEAD (and the mead is SO important...obvs).  My mission, which I totally chose to take, was to intimidate the guy and burn THREE bee hives to say "HEY BITCH WE'RE SERIOUS" and then steal some things from the estate.

THE BEE HIVES!  I had to swim and get to the little island and BEAT UP SOME DUDES with arrows.  Like I said in previous posts, I think I'm AWESOME and I was able to stealthily kill a lot of the guys protecting the place and with the flames from my hand I was able to SET THAT SHIT ON FIIIIIIIIIIRRRE!!!!!!!  Like THIS ---->

WOOOP WOOOP.  I got the deed from the house and there was this WEIRD symbol on it....so I don't know.  There is definitely some one plotting the demise of the Thieves Gild.  Which is sad because I am really liking being a part of their little gang.  They're some kind of alright.  They're like a family so I'm going to continue to help them out.  I'm a sucker for the badasses, y'know?

Companionship and Chaurus

Jorrvaskr, house of the Companions

As history has told me (and, I realize, because I am the kind of player that wants to talk to EVERY SINGLE PERSON which is also why I have a million quests (but also because that's the way the game is made (and also I'm using SO MANY PARENTHESES))), Whiterun was built around Jorrvaskar, the big house of the Companions.

Basically everyone who talks about this group in the game speaks highly of their ability to fight, and most of all, they work as a group WITHOUT A LEADER (how they do that effectively I'm not quite sure but it's a neat idea).  Why not join them right?  yeah, I thought so too.  They seem pretty neutral in this whole "civil war" stuff that's going on right now.  But life's questions will catch up with me soon (like do I make BEEF STEW or VENISON????).

Now in order to really become a companion I have to clear Shimmermist Cave of its leader which was one of the first "real" side quests I had to do and please note that I was half way into being at level 3 and I was like I AM BAD ASS, LEVEL 3 BITCHES!  and I was WRONG my friends....so so so wrong.  First you get into the cave and there are glowing mushrooms and weird eggs for these things called Chaurus and you're like weird I don't see any I guess they haven't hatched yet.  The cave is a little daunting - right?

So you keep walking and then all of a sudden there are these CREEPY THINGS called Falmers.  Do you remember that movie The Descent where those people go into this unexplored cave and find out there are these weird creatures that will eat EVERYONE and that can see in the dark?  Like this:

Well Falmers basically look like THAT but with armor and bows and arrows and shields that they will ATTACK YOU WITH.  But it's fine because I get past them fine, it's no big deal, it takes a couple swings of my BattleAxe but they die, it's all good.

BUT THEN I fall into this CHAURUS pit and those things are like big cockroaches mixed with scorpions that spit out this black stuff that does SOMETHING to you and they are tough because their shell is like armor and I KEPT DYING because I had no idea how to kill them effectively and so you know what I did?

I RAN BACK OUT THE WAY I CAME.  You heard me.  I'm a scaredy cat (errr...elf).  So then I did what any good person would do, I looked online to see what I was doing wrong and the internet advised me that I probably should go in there when I'm a higher level and that would probably be better because that shit is hard.

I'll be back, Falmers, I'll be back.  Those Chaurus won't know what hit them.

LOOK AT THIS THING! IT"S A FUCKING CHAURUS