On News and Thieving

I got SO BAD at this and I apologize.  Not to sound conceited or anything (although, my family used to tell me "of all the conceit in our family, I think Jessica got most of it" - thanks for boosting it guys), but I re-read my blog sometimes and I think I'm HILARIOUS.  Mostly because I have context and during the sometimes 5 hour stints of me playing Skyrim I am in a constant state of inner laughter.  Regardless of all that, it's among one of the main reasons I actually play this shit.

This is something I wrote MONTHS ago.....and I thought it was still fairly true today and fitting for this post:

WOWZA.  I have been playing this game for TWO MONTHS and I'm not even CLOSE to finishing.  I think I mentioned this before but I think I average about 10 hours of playing a week, so let's approximate and say that I've spent 72 hours Climbing in people's windows and snatching their people up (don't forget to hide your kids and hide your wife....and your husband...because I'm pickpocketing ERRY-ONE out there).  That is THREE WHOLE DAYS of my life spent helping the citizens of Skyrim and basically saving their asses left right and center.
Without me, who would have taken Meridia's Beacon from the clutches of the evil Falmer in Shimmermist Cave?  Who would have Spread the Love of Mara around Skyrim? 

Me, waiting in line for the Keynote at PAX Prime West in Seattle

And may I add that my playing time has amounted to at least 5 days now?  and I haven't even played for two whole months because I've been in other countries where video games like STARCRAFT and LEAGUE OF LEGENDS are a big deal (neither of which I understand the fascination of in the slightest).


A lot has happened since the days of old as I become more than the girlfriend who plays one video game (which happens to be THE video game), and closer to the girl who starts to play Dungeons and Dragons with a regular D&D group and plays multiple video games and goes to video gaming conventions.  WUT!  Apparently it's been in me all along and I'm not ashamed.

Regardless of my newly attained video game prowess, I want to talk to you a little bit about my favorite questline in Skyrim.  Do you want to guess before I tell it to you?!?!?!  huh? Do ya? No?  Well you're no fun.

It's the Thieves Guild Questline.  You guys it is SO MUCH FUN, and intriguing, and ghostly, and, in my opinion, the best thought-out.  The last time I talked about my adventures in thiefdom was in this post of yore where I disclosed that Maven Blackbriar was the largest (and really only) client and that SOME SNEAKY MOM (or just person.....we had yet to find out) was slowly trying to shut her down and close her out of business.  For instance, the Goldenglow Estate where Maven got all her honey from for her Meadery was going to no longer supply it to her! WHAT THE EFF, so I warned the owner by burning down some bee hives and sneaking into the estate to find an interesting letter with a curious symbol on it.  Very curious indeed.

Maven asks to speak to me DIRECTLY, which, you guys, is SCARY because she's an intense lady who has waaaayyyy too much power over the peeps of Riften, and she wants to talk to ME.  Like I said, I'm a popular gal who gets invited to parties and the such and whatnot.  I talk to Maven like a civilized adult and she tells me that her competition up at the Hunningbrew Meadery outside of Whiterun somehow got a shitload of money and is in direct competition with Blackbriar Meadery.  Apparently she doesn't take to competition too well (as we've realized with the event I like to call "The Burning of the Bees") and she wants me to do something about it.

As if I have a choice, I agree to helping her out for a pretty sum and head to Whiterun to execute the plan.  Right now Hunningbrew has a skeever infestation (which I will agree is a thousand times worse than something like a cockroach or silverfish infestation).  I'm to find the nest and apply the poison said nest.  In doing so, I also have access to the brewing pots for the Mead and will put some gross shit in them to make the Mead taste disgusting and dirty so that when it gets tested by some eager investors they will drink the yuck and condemn the Hunningbrew dude and his mead therefore turning them towards the Blackbriar Meadery instead.  It's a pretty brilliant plan if you ask me, and, as you can imagine, worked like a charm, aside from the weird wizardy dude named Hamelyn that I met in the cave by the skeever nest who was batshit crazy forging a skeever army because he was upset about some people "wronging" him.  Give me a break.  I had to pull out some magic there and literally fire his ass so I could get to the nest and kill the skeevers.  What a pain in my backside.  I also stole a promissory note that contained the SAME symbol as that of the one found in Goldenglow Estate......curiouser and curiouser.

Regardless of all this, one common link is this dude name Gulum-Ei who often helps with thieves guild-y type things so I follow him to where he is actually sometimes stealing goods from the guild which by the way is an ass hole move, and I confront him about what all this is about.  He reveals to me that the person behind all this hullabaloo is a lady named KARLIAH.  At this point, the name means absolutely nothing to me, it's like, that moment where I *should* have some sort of jaw-dropping awe-ish reaction, but because I have no idea who the fuck he's talking about I'm like aiight and peace the scene.

Heading back to the thieves guild, I find out Karliah was a previous member of the guild, very close to both Mercer and the old guildmaster Gallus.  She also was the person who purportedly KILLED Gallus and now is planning on doing the same to Mercer Frey.  In other words, this sneaky lady is trying to shut down the thieves guild for good with her skeeving ways  and we're all not too happy about that.

So what are we going to do now? track her down? feed her to the wolves? cast a spell?  My questions were more like: what on earth does this chick have to gain from killing all these people?  Why would she resurface now after all this time?  Why am I the one who keeps getting chosen for all these high profile thieves guild quests when there are other people who are pretty high up in the seniority bit that might like some fame?

Want the answers?  CHECK BACK NEXT TIME BECAUSE THIS BLOG POST IS TOO FUCKING LONG.  I love you, but seriously all this typing is giving me a hand cramp.  UNTIL NEXT TIME, don't let anyone steal your sweet rolls.

Skyrim's Thieves Guild - My Kinda People

It's no surprise that my last post about the Erotica I found in Haelga's room (and in newer news, on the shelf in one of the breweries too) is the most read post on my blog.  Who doesn't like sexy times?  I was visiting my Aunt and Uncle over the weekend and he was telling me how nerdy I am for posting about sex in my blog while he's got his headphones on and is swearing at some 16 year olds while he's playing WoW.  As he taught my 3 year old cousin to say - "Cool Story Bro."

I have definitely been logging more playing hours than WRITING hours...which is probably not good for business BUT THIS GAME IS SO EXCITING!!!!

Interestingly, the second most viewed post is the one where I talk about FOOD.  So I will do that again and then tell you how I proceeded to burn some bee hives.

FEAST YOUR EYES ON THIS BEAUTY OF A BREAKFAST

That, my friends, is roasted bell pepper (of the red variety) with an EGG in the middle of it.  Complete with some Kicking Horse Coffee (Kick Ass) and a little salt, pepper, and chilli powder.  GENIUS.

That prepared me for a THIEVES GUILD quest.  This quest line is becoming one of my favorites (aside from the COMPANIONS one and I found out something EXCITING there but I don't want to ruin it because it was just so cool!).  Have I even told you about the thieves guild?!?!?!  They are a group of dudes and dudettes who are into pickpocketing and stealing and cunning and run Riften under the noses of the Jarl.  What a group!  I love 'em.  I first had to show that I'm worth their time by telling a bunch of punks to pay up.  I had to throw a statue around and break some urn and basically just be badass and finally Brynjolf was all like "great work, the thieves guild is BACK IN ACTION"

But what do you mean BACK in action?  As it turns out the thieves guild's biggest client is Maven Blackbriar, the lady in charge of the Blackbriar Meadery and things are happening that are slowly shutting her down.  We don't know what exactly...but one thing is for sure:  The dude who owns Goldenglow Estate has SOLD his property which means they are NOT going to be supplying the necessary shit for making the MEAD (and the mead is SO important...obvs).  My mission, which I totally chose to take, was to intimidate the guy and burn THREE bee hives to say "HEY BITCH WE'RE SERIOUS" and then steal some things from the estate.

THE BEE HIVES!  I had to swim and get to the little island and BEAT UP SOME DUDES with arrows.  Like I said in previous posts, I think I'm AWESOME and I was able to stealthily kill a lot of the guys protecting the place and with the flames from my hand I was able to SET THAT SHIT ON FIIIIIIIIIIRRRE!!!!!!!  Like THIS ---->

WOOOP WOOOP.  I got the deed from the house and there was this WEIRD symbol on it....so I don't know.  There is definitely some one plotting the demise of the Thieves Gild.  Which is sad because I am really liking being a part of their little gang.  They're some kind of alright.  They're like a family so I'm going to continue to help them out.  I'm a sucker for the badasses, y'know?