Skyrim: A OneMonthAnniversary Post

HOLY SHIT BALLS!  It is my OneMonthAnniversary of purchasing Skyrim and playing it and then writing about it. Can you believe it?  AND I'M NOT EVEN MAD....that's amazing! (sorry.....Anchorman joke)

I'm not even mad

I still don't know how to check to see how many hours I've played the game but I'm guessing on a WHOLE LOT because I have an assignment that is actually two days late that I need to hand in and mostly the reason is Skyrim (but is also me reading and having more French Tests and finding a job etc)...but MOSTLY Skyrim.

ALSO, I am POPULAR, you know, for being hilarious and writing about Skyrim because in one whole month people are READING this blog.  Like 986 people.  THAT'S ALMOST 1000!!!!!!  I don't know if it's 1000 actual people.....but my blog has been viewed that many times and in my head I want to say that's almost the same thing.  But really, I have 17 posts, so if each post was read once by a person then that would mean that realistically only 58 people are reading this which isn't that many but ALMOST A THOUSAND VIEWS....that's pretty good right?

ANYWERT - to commemorate this event I entered into a DRINKING CONTEST!!!!!!  I had some friends over to drink (in real life) and I was playing Skyrim before they came over and thought I'd show off by entering into this drinking contest just as they got here.  GREAT, right?!?!

Sam invites me to join him in a drinking contest

I was in Riften and hanging out in the Bee and Barb, you know, like any casual day in Riften, and this guy Sam was sitting there.  Being the extremely inquisitive wood elf I am I decided to talk to him.  Then he CHALLENGES me.  To a DRINKING contest.  As if I could turn that down.  I won second place in PUB GOLF......so basically this is a no-brainer.  He promised me some "staff" if I won and I clearly won...but by drinking only THREE drinks...how ridiculous....I could drink this guy under the table ANY DAY.

THEN, the screen went BLACK and I woke up all of a sudden in some place I've never been before!  It's a place called Markarth and man oh man I am CONFUSED apparently I'm in some temple of Dibella and this lady is yelling at me and I have a HEAD ACHE (effin mead).  I had to tell my friends, who don't play ANY video games....ever....except for mario kart on wii or something, that this was NOT expected.  I thought I would get drunk and stumble around and maybe start seeing things like when you drink that weird potion in Uncharted 3 and then you'd go to sleep and just be sub-par the next day.

So the lady in the temple is telling me I made a mess and I'm a big jerk and I need to clean up and I'm all "Where's Sam?  Where's my staff?" and she's all, BITCH YOU MADE A MESS.  CLEAN THAT UP.  I was unimpressed but I humoured her.  Anything that would make her stop yelling at me.

I'm asking all over town which is on a cliff and is REALLY confusing to get around because it's ALL CLIFFS

 It's really pretty......but it's intense.  ALSO, on my way I got SIDETRACKED into a haunted house but that's for another day.

AllThePeople kept telling me that the "sam guy" I was with went to Rorikstead...so I should go there.  So I did that.....and got told that apparently I STOLE A GOAT.  I am up to ridiculous shenanigans when drunk in Skyrim apparently.  Not only did I steal this goat but I SOLD it....to a GIANT.  So I had to go get it back.  That was easy enough but when I came back to GoatGuy he told me I bought a WEDDING RING in Whiterun.

WHOA WHOA WHOA.  WEDDING RING?!?!?!   I know I'm wearing the Amulet of Mara and all the ladies (and gents) should know I'm available, but to get engaged WITHOUT ME KNOWING (errr...remembering....shit...this is embarrassing).  I am getting to the bottom of this.

Ysolda in Whiterun tells me that if I'm not going to get married anymore she wants the ring back.....SERIOUSLY, I hate having to clean up after myself  She told me to go to Witchmist Grove where my fiancée lives and that sounds vaguely familiar.  I HAVE been there before so luckily I get to fastrackalack over there and I run into THIS looker:

Can you say MEAD GOGGLES?!?!?!  This bitch is one gross lady.  And she wants to CONSUMMATE OUR MARRIAGE.......I am NOT into that.....so I pummel her with my warhammer and take the ring away.  I gave it back to Ysolda and she told me where to find Sam......

A pearly white bit turns up and I end up at yet ANOTHER tea party except for in this one Sam reveals himself as Sanguine, a Daedric Prince who revels in debauchery....so he's all about passion and the CHAOS it can create.  He at least holds his side of the bargain, and gave me the Sanguine Rose staff.

WHAT A GUY!!!!

Now that my cyberheadache is gone I am TOTALLY READY TO DO IT AGAIN.

BRING IT DAEDRIC PRINCES!!!!!